


Sunshine’s Sunrise

by sunniebunnie



Category: Warrior Cats - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Family Drama, M/M, Original Character(s), Sunshine is a mess lol, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 10:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20356621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunniebunnie/pseuds/sunniebunnie
Summary: Sunshine has been destined to be RiverClan’s leader from her birth. As the daughter of the clan deputy and a respected senior warrior, the prophecy could be about no other.The sun can either lead Riverclan to prosperity, or burn it to the ground.But after the constant pressure of the Clan’s expectations and Sunshine’s personal tragedies, she has to decide to do what’s right or abandon the Clans forever.





	1. Sunshine Whines

Riverclan-  
Leader  
Reedstar- skinny very dark grey tom with blue eyes  
Deputy  
Havenpelt- black and white she-cat with green eyes and a bobbed tail  
Medicine Cat  
Sunfeather- lanky blonde tortoiseshell and white tom with brown eyes  
Warriors  
Petalfur- grey and white she-cat with light green eyes (deceased for entire length of story)  
Duskfur- red brown tabby she-cat with darker legs and yellow eyes  
Mallownose- brown and grey tom with green eyes (deceased for entire length of story)  
Curlfeather- light blonde she-cat with green eyes  
Podlight- grey and white tom with blue eyes  
Sneezecloud- grey and white tom with green eyes  
Owlnose- brown and white tabby tom with amber eyes  
Softeyes- soft furred pure white she-cat with pink eyes  
Groveheart- blonde tabby she-cat with one white paw and brown eyes  
Rippleheart- blonde tabby she-cat with one white paw and brown eyes  
Sunshine- skinny brown and white tabby she-cat with brown eyes  
Littlefern- long furred stocky brown she-cat with green eyes  
Grainseed- portly lilac tabby she-cat with amber eyes  
Moorpaw- red brown tabby she-cat with a white bobbed tail and amber eyes  
Applepaw- long furred brown and white tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes  
Bunnypaw- brown and white she-cat with amber eyes  
(Additional cats)  
Windclan  
Warriors  
Hayfeather- small eared brown tabby she-cat with a white under belly and brown eyes  
Ashlegs- very tall and skinny grey speckled tom with darker grey legs and ice blue eyes  
Shadowclan  
Warriors  
Lilypool- tall blonde tabby she-cat with blue eyes  
Twistedvine- large dark blonde tabby tom with blue eyes 

A brown and white tabby she-cat sat staring out into the vast sunset from the top of the hill. Though she was still, her brown eyes betrayed her far away thoughts. She was completely and utterly caught in her memories, so much so that she did not see the reds and purples cascading in front of her as the sun fell beneath the earth, or feel the grass swaying gently beneath her paws from the breeze.

So much so that the blond tortoiseshell tom padding up to her caught her completely by surprise with his greeting.

“Sunshine.”

Sunshine flattened her ears as she turned to see who had spoken, but relief flashed in her eyes as she recognized the tom.

“Sunfeather, what is it?” The she-cat sighed softly. 

“Reedstar wants to see you in his den. He has something to tell you.”

Sunshine furrowed her brow, “What does he want?”

Sunfeather shifted uncomfortably, “He just has a few things to say to you. A proposition.”

Rising to her paws, it was evident that Sunshine was not in very good shape. She was slow to rise, and although she was a young warrior she shook with the effort like an elder. Sunfeather noticed immediately and gave her a worried glance as they padded away slowly from the valley. 

“I’m sorry for what happened, Sunshine. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a mate like that,” his voice almost a whisper, as if he were afraid to say the wrong thing.

“You’re a medicine cat, of course you can’t Sunfeather,” Sunshine said bluntly, “It’s my fault anyway. If I hadn’t betrayed her like that none of this would be happening. I deserve this.”

“Sunshine, you made a mistake, you didn’t commit a murder,” An edge of irritation entered Sunfeather’s mew, “Of course you shouldn’t have done what you did, but it’s over now and all you can do is move on.” 

“Don’t you think I’m trying? That’s all anyone has to say to me, but it’s not helping. I know I’m supposed to be over it by now but it still- hurts.” Sunshine’s voice came out raggedy, the last word forced and pained.

“Littlefern will forgive you - if she’s the same cat I’ve known my whole life.” 

“I just don’t believe you.”

Sunshine’s last words left the two in a heavy silence for the rest of their trip. They traveled over bubbling brooks and open terrain until they made it to a cluster of dens positioned between two streams. Sunfeather lead Sunshine to the biggest den where he stopped and turned to dip his head to her in farewell.

“Good luck Sunshine.”

The small she-cat padded silently into the dimly lit den. The tall tom sitting inside was dark furred enough to not be easily seen, only his blue eyes staring into Sunshine’s dull ones. 

“Reedstar, you called for me?” Sunshine mewed.

“Yes,” Reedstar stood and paced slowly around his den as he continued, shaking his head slightly, “I know things have been difficult for you, and I know your life has had hardships, but that does not condone your continued lazy behavior.” 

Sunshine gazed guiltily down at her paws, screwing her eyes shut at the critique.

“You don’t hunt for your clan, you refuse border patrols, and you can’t even bother to pick the fleas off the elders backs. Honestly, if you were any other cat I would have been calling you here to banish you today. But, your circumstances are very different from most.” Reedstar paused to gather his words.

“This is an ultimatum. I am going to give you Moorkit as an apprentice and I want you to teach her be a great warrior.” 

Sunshine’s stiffened and her eyes widened like saucers.

“I-I’m not so sure that’s a good idea Reedstar, there must be another way! You know I could mess this up! Badly!”

Reedstar blinked slowly, his calmness juxtaposed by the bristling she-cat’s panic. 

“The point of this is that you learn. Once you have the responsibility of being a teacher, you will be forced to change. And if you can make her a warrior, when I die, I want Havenpelt to make you her deputy.”

Sunshine stared in shocked silence at her leader, eyes still blown wide. She stayed frozen for a few heartbeats before answering almost inaudibly, “What if I can’t do that?”

Reedstar narrowed his eyes, “Then you will leave and never show your face in this clan again. But this must not happen Sunshine, you have a prophecy to fulfill.” 

“What if they’re wrong?” Sunshine half snarled.

“What? Who?”

“What if Starclan is wrong about me? What if I’m not supposed to be deputy, what if this prophecy is wrong?” Sunshine dared to say, making a fierce eye contact with the big tom.

An angry fire blazed in Reedstar’s eyes as he spoke, “Starclan is never wrong Sunshine, don’t you ever doubt them. You will mentor this kit, and you will follow your prophecy.” 

Sunshine opened her mouth to speak again, but thought better of it and turned around. 

“Fine,” Sunshine muttered, “But I’m only doing this for Moorkit. She doesn’t deserve to get dragged into this, but I know she’s eager to become a warrior.”

Reedstar watched, still fuming about his unruly warrior, as she once more slid silently out of his den.


	2. Sunshine Remembers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Sunshine says Moorpaw like Murrpaw lol

“May all cats old enough to swim gather to hear my words,” Reedstar’s voice rang around the camp, pulling cats from their dens, pondering in hushed but excited mews as to why they were called out. The mystery was solved, as three kits tumbled out of the nursery, chattering like canaries, followed by their proud looking mother.

Sunshine slithered out of the warriors den in her lethargic way, plopping herself on the ground next to a blonde tabby she-cat at the edge of the gathering of cats. A long furred brown she-cat hovered by Sunshine, the two making tense eye contact for a few moments before the long furred she-cat waked away to sit as far as possible from the brown and white tabby. Seeing the smaller cat wince, the blonde tabby touched Sunshine’s back gently with her tail. 

“You ok, Sunshine?” 

“It’s fine, I just have to get over it,” Sunshine mewed, “Thanks, Groveheart.” 

Groveheart gave Sunshine a kind look that made the brown and white tabby feel a twinge of guilt for her friend’s support before the pair turned to Reedstar’s voice. 

“Today marks a new step for these three kits on their journey to becoming warriors. Applekit, Bunnykit, Moorkit, come forward.” 

The three young cats eagerly pushed their way to the front of the crowd of warriors.

“Applekit,” the tortoiseshell she-cat stepped up to her leader tentatively, “do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and to be loyal to your clan?”

“Yes, of course!” The young kit shook with excitement.

“Then from this day forward you shall be known as Applepaw. Your mentor shall be Curlfeather. I hope that she passes down her wisdom to you.”

Curlfeather, a messy furred light brown she-cat, came forward to press her nose to Applepaw’s. If she said something it was drowned out by the cheers of the apprentice’s new name. 

Bunnykit became Bunnypaw and her mentor was named as Grainseed, a portly lilac colored tabby she-cat. 

“There is one more kit,” Reedstar mewed, looking at Moorkit who was finding it difficult to sit still, “Moorkit step forward.”

The reddish brown tabby she-cat stepped up with wide yellow eyes, the sun beaming down on her. She had an air of seriousness to her that her other two sisters did not portray. Moorkit was obviously ready to take on the responsibilities of apprenticeship. Sunshine took note of this as she waited for the inevitable. 

“Do you promise to be a noble warrior who follows Starclan’s will?” Reedstar stared pointedly at Sunshine, who unsheathed and sheathed her claws at the obvious jab. 

“Yes!” Moorkit’s excited mew rang clearly across the camp.

“Then from this day forward you shall be known as Moorpaw. Your mentor shall be Sunshine, and I know that you both will learn many important lessons from your new bond.”

Sunshine pushed through the crowd, her gaze flickering on the long furred she-cat for half a heartbeat. Stopping to bend down and touch Moorpaw’s nose, Sunshine spoke in a hushed tone.

“Are you ready?”

“Of course,” Moorpaw said determinedly. 

“Then I’ll do the best I can to make you a great warrior. I know that you will be,” Sunshine felt a rush of something she had not had for a long time: a purpose. She hadn’t really believed her own words before she said them but now she did. Maybe she hated how much Reedstar pushed her prophecy on her, but she made a conscious choice to do her best for this young cat.

“I know Sunshine, I trust you,” Moorpaw said with a great amount of confidence. 

Sunshine gasped quietly as a memory flashed over her eyes, Moorpaw turning to the long furred she-cat and the camp turning to a heavily flowered field. Sunshine and the other she-cat sat under a cherry tree, the pink leaves swaying gently in the breeze. Sunshine gazed lovingly up at the she-cat, feeling tranquility and belonging. She pressed her head underneath the other she-cat’s chin, nuzzling into her soft fur and breathing in her comforting scent. 

“Do you think you’ll ever get tired of me Littlefern?” 

Littlefern purred, making her fur fluff against Sunshine’s nose and leaned into the smaller cat’s embrace. 

“I don’t think so, Sunshine, I love you.” She seemed very sure of herself at the time.

Sunshine became embarrassed, but responded with equal sincerity, “I love you too Littlefern, but... I’m a mess, I don’t want to drive you away or. Hurt you.”

Littlefern pushed away slightly to look down at her mate with serious bright green eyes. Sunshine always loved her eyes.

“Sunny, you don’t need to worry about that because I know you’d never hurt me. I trust you.” 

Sunshine gazed into Littlefern’s eyes feeling the flickers of guilt knowing she had already betrayed her mates trust, but pushing it down harshly to stay in her almost perfect moment. 

“Ok.” 

Littlefern gave her an adoring look, but the memory was already fading away, the flowers turning into cheering warriors and Littlefern fading into Sunshine’s new apprentice once again. Thorns and daggers ripped through the new mentor’s heart as she realized what she had lost, but for once she was able to push it away enough to stay in the present. 

“Moorpaw! Moorpaw! Moorpaw!” 

The reddish brown tabby gazed expectantly at Sunshine. Realizing that Moorpaw really did idolize her, Sunshine felt a rush of confidence; if her apprentice thought she could be that good even seeing her in this state, maybe she could.

“Thank you Moorpaw. I’ll make you proud.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOO OK this chapter was a lil but hard to write cause I’m a Weenie. I think it’s probably better than the first one tho


	3. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Littlefern has one tiny darker brown spot on her face like a freckle

The crowd of cats dispersed slowly as they went back to their daily routines- some went on border patrol, others hunting, and others still mulling around camp and gossiping to fellow warriors. Sunshine’s whiskers twitched amusedly as she watched Grainseed talk happily to her new apprentice, then asked the taller she-cat if she wanted to tour the territory with her and Bunnypaw. 

“Sure,” Sunshine mewed.

“Can Applepaw come with?” Bunnypaw looked up with pleading eyes and Grainseed yelled across the way to the older she-cat.

“Hey Curlfeather, you want to tour the territory with us? It’ll be fun!” As she blurted these words, the cats that were laying around camp looked in Curlfeather’s direction. This made the spiky furred she-cat fluff in embarrassment and looked Grainseed up and down before dead panning, “No,” and leaving camp, taking an apologetic Applepaw with her.

“Sorry,” Applepaw mewed quietly. 

Sunshine and Grainseed chirped amusedly about Curlfeather’s disdained refusal to come along with them.

“Oh, wow I knew Curlfeather was curt, but that was harsh!” Grainseed purred, though obviously unhurt by the brown cat’s aloofness. 

“Ha, she’s old. And we’re young. You know how much senior warriors get annoyed by new ones,” Sunshine mewed.

“Tch, true that,” Grainseed whisked her tail at the comment.

Sunshine turned to finally leave the camp but was stopped by a massive brown tabby tom who towered over the slight she-cat. He looked down at Sunshine who’s fur was rising slightly. The warriors amber eyes narrowed and he spoke after a tense heartbeat of silence from the she-cat, who could not greet him from pure shock.

“I am glad that you have decided where your loyalties lie, Sunshine. They are in the right place now. I was afraid you would make for even less of a daughter than you already are,” his voice was deep and booming but did not betray any real emotion. 

Sunshine continued to cower, her small white paws starting to tremble ever so slightly, and she still could not make any noise come out of her mouth. The tom turned slowly without another word and disappeared into the warriors den. The two out of the loop apprentices stood silently as well, not sure how to react to words that they had never really heard before. 

“Owlnose is a fox heart,” Grainseed’s angry tone came as a surprise and snapped Sunshine out of her trance. She was still shaking, but it was almost unnoticeable now. 

“Let’s just. Let’s just go. I don’t want to think about him right now,” Sunshine mewed, turning to Moorpaw, “it’s still your first day of being an apprentice, I won’t ruin it. Come on, I’m sure you’re very excited to see what’s outside the camp.”

“Y-yes!” Moorpaw was still shaken, but didn’t want to miss out on tradition. Sunshine felt the now familiar pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach at her troubles bringing other cats down but tried to push it away. 

She led the way out of camp, her apprentice behind her, Grainseed coming next, still slightly agitated and a mostly unfazed Bunnypaw taking up the rear. The small apprentice was mostly just happy to be leaving the tense situation. Standing at the entrance to camp was Littlefern. She was gazing at Sunshine with unfeeling eyes. Sunshine looked away, not wanting to bother the taller she-cat. Passing her however, Littlefern spoke softly.

“Congratulations, Sunshine.” Her voice betrayed no emotion. She blinked.

Sunshine’s tail raised in surprise, and she responded with a happy, although hesitant, “T-thanks!” 

The brown tabby she-cat left the camp feeling a lot lighter than she had in quite a while. Outside of camp ranged open terrain. Many small and large streams crisscrossed the water clan’s territory. 

“What do you smell, Moorpaw?” 

“A lot,” The red brown tabby mewed earnestly, her nose not yet used to the multitude of different scents - mice, birds, water and all the life living in it, and the faint scent of the bordering clans, Windclan and Shadowclan. Sunshine purred amusedly at Moorpaw’s awe.

“Soon you will be able to tell that lot apart,” Littlefern’s comment has surely brought up the skinny mentors mood. 

Grainseed turned to her apprentice. “I think I can smell Shadowclan, blech!” Bunnypaw scrunched up her nose at the sharp marshland scent. 

“Hey, they do smell like rot, but you can’t let them hear you say that. I’m pretty sure they would explode,” Grainseed told the brown and white she-cat, who shared her mentor’s amusement at the image of a Shadowclan cat being that upset about their pride being questioned. Sunshine anxiously wondered if her apprentice would ever connect with her like that. 

“There’s the Windclan border,” Sunshine mewed as they walked up to the scent line. On Windclan territory large open fields of moor were only broken up by small swaths of heather, “hey, you’re named after these moors Moorpaw. Maybe you’ll go live there one day.” 

Moorpaw’s eyes widened, “I could never live there! I’m a Riverclan cat.” 

Sunshine mmraowed,” I was only joking.”

Sunshine was secretly relieved that Moorpaw did not want to even joke of leaving her behind with another twinge of guilt. She was selfish. 

A very familiar scent suddenly crossed Sunshine’s nose, the sickeningly sweet smell making her heartbeat quicken and her stomach twist. 

Hayfeather. 

Sunshine could feel her throat tightening until she realized, it’s stale. She sighed in relief and flicked her tail to push the thoughts away.

As the group made their way away from the Windclan border, they stopped at a wide stream. Lazy waves lapped at the stones sticking out of the water.

“Okay, we have to cross here using the steppingstones, seeing as y’all can’t swim yet. We have to move slowly though, the rocks are very slippery in Leaf-fall.” Sunshine gazed intently at the apprentices, hoping they would listen. 

Bunnypaw darted out onto them however, slipping into the water almost as soon as running onto the stones with a yelp.

“Get her,” Sunshine deadpanned at Grainseed who sighed and dipped into the water after her apprentice.

“Hold still, Bunnypaw, if you struggle it’ll make this harder,” Grainseed’s voice was tinged with annoyance as Bunnypaw squirmed like a fish. Sunshine couldn’t help but notice her apprentices whiskers twitching in amusement at her sister’s unruliness. 

“Grainseed sure has her paws full,” Sunshine mewed.

Her apprentice nodded, and walked with delicate paws over the stones, making her way across just fine as her sister was dragged onto shore with a slightly grumpy Grainseed. 

“I did it Sunshine!” Moorpaw yowled excitedly from the other side. Sunshine walked over the stones and licked her apprentice between the ears. 

“Good job.”

Bunnypaw shook her fur out violently, covering the other cats in the spray of stream water. 

“Come on Bunnypaw, the day doesn’t last forever, we still need to see the Shadowclan border,” Grainseed tossed over her shoulder as the rest of the group walked away.

“Coming!” The water logged she-cat ran to catch up.

When they arrived at the Shadowclan border, the strong scent only got that much stronger. A dense forest of pine trees lay on the other side. The two warriors could scent two more Shadowclan cats coming their way.

“Bunnypaw, do you smell those cats?” Grainseed mewed.

“I think so.”

Out from the trees came a large unkempt blonde tabby tom and a sand colored tabby she-cat. The tom meowed a greeting but the she-cat just nodded her head at them. 

“Twistedvine, Lilypool. What brings you here?” Grainseed mewed amiably. 

“Patrolling.” Lilypool was blunt but not unkind in her response. 

“What are you doing all the way out here?” Twistedvine asked.

“We’re showing our new apprentices the territory.” Sunshine blinked down at the young cats.

“Oh, congratulations!” Twistedvine purred, followed by Lilypool’s “Congrats.”

Bunnypaw and Moorpaw sat as the tabby tom continued talking. Moorpaw yawned and Bunnypaw shivered from the now cold water still covering her pelt.

“Have you talked to Littlefern lately Sunshine?” He was now pointedly avoiding Grainseed, and Lilypool looked ready to leave back into the protection of the dense pine trees. Sunshine blinked a few times in surprise. 

Why would he ask me that?

“Umm, I mean, not really...” her voice trailed away in pain.

Twistedvine continued without missing a beat, “Well her and I talked at the Gathering and it was so easy, I really feel like we have a special connection! I think we’re going to be friends for a long time.”

Sunshine knew he didn’t mean for those words to cut her down like they did but she couldn’t help stiffening in jealousy.

“Nice,” she spat, but Twistedvine still didn’t get the hint. He opened his mouth to speak again but this time Moorpaw stood on shaky legs.

“Bunnypaw says she’s too cold, and we’re both really tired. I think we should just get back to camp now,” she looked up at her mentor.

Grainseed spoke instead, perhaps a little too loud, “Yep that’s right! It’s almost nighttime and we better go before Bunnypaw turns into a block of ice.” 

Bunnypaw purred in relief, getting up off the ground slowly. Lilypool, who was getting more and more restless sighed in relief and turned around to leave. 

“Goodbye!” Twistedvine mewed as the Riverclan cats slowly filed away. 

Sunshine threw a curt, “Bye,” over her shoulder with a flick of her tail. 

The group walked away in silence, Sunshine not trusting her own voice. She was frustrated.

I can’t escape the pain, even when I try to forget it. Twistedvine is supposed to be my friend, why is he making everything worse?

Sunshine angrily kicked a pebble. Bunnypaw was slowing down more and more, trailing behind the others and stumbling over her own tired feet. Grainseed wordlessly grabbed her apprentice by the scruff and dropped her on her back. The brown and white cat relaxed into her mentor’s pelt purring. Sunshine suddenly realized with a pang that Reedstar really did make the best decision giving Bunnypaw to Grainseed. She glanced down at her own apprentice who was definitely tired but determined to keep walking.

“Thanks for saving me out there,” Sunshine mewed quietly, “that was really smart.” 

“You’re welcome! You looked upset.” 

“Yeah well, Twistedvine doesn’t know when to shut his mouth.” Sunshine’s eyes betrayed nothing. 

“Maybe he’ll learn how to someday.” Moorpaw seemed to be hopeful about everything. 

“Maybe.” Sunshine didn’t have the heart to tell her that Twistedvine had always been talkative and that he didn’t pick up on when cats wanted him to stop. It didn’t bother Sunshine that much but this one subject made the tall tabby angry.

Soon enough they could see the entrance to the Riverclan camp. Moorpaw ran inside, the rest of the cats walking. Bunnypaw has fallen asleep sometime on Grainseed’s back so they couldn’t run after her, even if they wanted. Moorpaw waited for them on the other side, obviously ready to just go to sleep. The two warriors followed her to the apprentices den where she promptly fell into a newly made nest. Sunshine purred at that as Grainseed slowly settled her apprentice into her den. 

“Good night Moorpaw, you did great today.” 

Moorpaw mumbled an almost incoherent thank you, but the young cat was already half asleep. 

Grainseed touched her nose to her still sleeping apprentice’s flank before shuffling out of the den with Sunshine in tow. 

“Hey, why’d you get so upset about Twistedvine?” Grainseed asked.

“I told him not to talk about how close he and Littlefern are but he did anyway,” Sunshine’s voice was almost growling, “ it makes me feel like he’s rubbing it in my face that we’re not close anymore but they are.” 

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way. You know how he has problems with interactions.” 

“Yeah. You’re right.” Sunshine only half believed what her friend said. She couldn’t help but think that even if his intentions were pure, that it still was a bad thing to do.

“Well I’m going to sleep, if you want you could sleep in my nest?” Grainseed mewed gently.

“No it’s fine, I’m sure Sunfeather will let me sleep in the medicine cat den again.” 

Grainseed paused to gather her words, “... ok but you can’t sleep in there forever. Reedstar will find out and get angry.” 

“I know.” But Sunshine was already padding away to ask the blonde tortoiseshell tom her question.

“Hey Sunfeather?” Her voice echoed into the dark den. There was barely enough light to see the shelves of neatly stored herbs and berries or the small stream that ended in a pool. Two nests sat in opposite sides of the fairly large den. 

“Come in Sunshine.” Sunfeather’s voice drifted from the wall of medicine. 

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course you can, but should you?” He still hadn’t turned from his herbs he was organizing, but he twitched his ears in her direction.

“You know I can’t sleep in the warriors den, it’s too difficult.” Sunshine gazed at her paws.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about having to sleep in the same spot as your ex. It’s not like anyone expects you to change that.” 

“It’s just easier sleeping in here, Starclan knows I just need something easy.”

Sunfeather turned at that, giving her a worried look, “being broken doesn’t suit you, Sunshine.”

“Pff, I’ve been broken for a long time, this has just been the most intense.”

Sunfeather turned back to his herbs, “well you better get it together Sunshine. You’re my cousin, and when you get hurt, it makes me worried.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m not gonna do anything fish brained.” Sunshine settled into her den, curling her tail over her nose and closing her eyes.

“I hope you don’t. Good night Sunshine.”

“Good night Bee Brain.” 

Before Sunshine slipped into unconsciousness she could hear Sunfeather purring amusedly.  
==  
Littlefern looked at Sunshine with angry betrayed eyes. 

“Who else knew that we were mates?” 

The question that Sunshine dreaded to hear for moons hung heavy in the air, pressing down on the skinny tabby like a badger. 

“Rippleheart, Groveheart and Grainseed.” Sunshine’s voice came out flat and numb, but a tidal wave of guilt crashed against her.

“Great Starclan, Sunshine I trusted you! And you betrayed me. Grainseed of all cats, I told you she was the one that I absolutely didn’t want to know!” Littlefern was screaming now, it was a good thing they were in their flower field, under the cherry tree, far from the clans prying ears. Sunshine flinched, hard. She didn’t try to respond, she knew she deserved all the yelling in the world, “you knew I didn’t want this to be a big deal, why would you do that?”

“I’m sorry, I thought it would make me feel better, maybe I wouldn’t be so anxious if my friends knew...” Sunshine knew it was a terrible excuse.

Littlefern shuddered, and looked down at the ground, anger driving her out of words. Sitting there in the awful tense, angry silence, both of them knew they had hit rock bottom. 

“Don’t - Don’t talk to me for a while. I might say something to you that I would regret.” These words were the worst ones for Sunshine to hear, even if they weren’t the most angry. She knew it was ludicrous, but the brown tabby had to say it.

“Are we still gonna be friends?”

Littlefern twitched, “even after all you’ve done, I do. It’s just going to take a long time for me to get over this.”

The long furred she-cat turned to walk away. 

“Goodbye Sunshine.”

She knew it was meant to be temporary but she couldn’t help but feel like Littlefern was saying goodbye forever. 

She couldn’t bring herself to say farewell.

The flowered field changed to a clearing on an island, the clear sunny day a full moon night, and Littlefern leaving turned to Twistedvine approaching. Sunshine didn’t wait for formalities.

“Did you tell Littlefern that you knew?” Her voice was not doing a good job at hiding her anger.

Twistedvine looked at her with pity and said, “sorry.” Sunshine couldn’t help but feel he was only apologizing to save face. Something in his tone screamed,

If you get mad at me I will hurt myself. I did the right thing and you didn’t.

No that’s not right, Sunshine shook her head and looked at him again. All she saw now was pity. She was starting to see things that weren’t there.

“Whatever. It’s ok.” Twistedvine looked relived at Sunshine’s forgiveness.

Then the whole place turned to ants. The ground beneath Sunshine’s feet swarmed with millions of tiny red bugs and she screamed in horror. She couldn’t move. 

The ants congealed in front of her to take a massive form of a cat she knew very well. 

Hayfeather.

The figure turned it’s glowing eyes on the shuddering terrified she-cat and opened its mouth to let out a booming voice,

“You can’t be mad at Twistedvine, Sunshine. He did the same thing that you did, you hypocrite! The only difference is that he did the right thing and you were a coward for not keeping a dangerous secret. No wonder Reedstar is mad at you, you’re a disgusting traitor who needs to be punished!”

Sunshine knew what she was saying was right. She could hear more cats yowling in pain but she couldn’t see them.

“In fact, every cat hates you! They’re only hanging around you cause they pity the poor prophecy cat who can’t even have a relationship with me! Her own sister!” 

Sunshine let out an ear piercing caterwaul, loud enough to make the form of ant Hayfeather crumble and she drowned in a sea of crawling biting insects.

Then she woke up. 

The quiet of the camp juxtaposed heavily against Sunshine who was now gagging and wheezing in her nest, propped up on one leg and still shuddering heavily. Sunfeather stirred in his nest, hearing the sounds of his cousin coughing. Sunshine stumbled over to the den entrance, sitting hunched over. The full moon glinted down on the camp. Sunfeather walked wordlessly over to her, sitting gently and stroking the fluffed up fur on Sunshine’s back with his tail. The tabby’s ragged breath started to slow. 

Sunfeather gazed at the bright moon and sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a MONSTER compared to the other two haha


	4. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Ashlegs’ design has not changed since the 6th grade and You Know it’s completely over the top. He’s got some crazy emo hair and it will not change.

“Ok, so the first step to catching a fish is to sit completely still - don’t make any noises.” 

Sunshine and Moorpaw sat right up next to a gurgling river. The water lapped up against their paws and the pebbles on the shore. Moorpaw nodded at her mentor’s words and looked forward in anticipation for what next to do as she stopped any movement.

“Now, we wait.” 

“How long are we gonna wait?” Moorpaw whispered out of the side of her mouth.

Sunshine’s whiskers twitched amusedly, “Until we see a fish come by. I’ll show you how first.”

They sat like that for a few minutes, until Sunshine saw a flicker of silver in the water. “You see that?” 

“Is that a fish?”

“Yes. Now you just - AHA!”

The mentor threw a paw into the water, hooking her claws into the pike and tossing it onto shore. The fish flopped wildly trying to get back into the water. 

“Here, you kill it Moorpaw, quick before it gets away!”

Moorpaw hesitated. “How do I do it?”

“Just bite it in the head.” Sunshine mewed.

Moorpaw didn’t move, uncertainty flashing in her eyes. 

“I don’t know if I can do it..”

Sunshine’s eyes softened, “You can do it Moorpaw. Sometimes warriors have to do things they don’t want to.”

Moorpaw bent down and clamped her jaws around the fish’s head until it stopped moving. She still looked a little guilty.

“Did it hurt?”

“The fish can’t feel pain Moorpaw, it’s ok. And besides, we’re feeding the clan.”

“Ok, yeah,” Moorpaw’s mood seemed to lift at the idea of helping the clan. Sunshine took note of how easily she was loyal to her clan, and how it was never easy for her, especially now.

Oh, do I not want to be here? 

The thought flashed through Sunshine’s mind but she put it away for later. 

Stop thinking about yourself, you’re literally training your apprentice.

“I’m proud of you Moorpaw. You’re learning fast.”

Moorpaw beamed.

==

Reds and oranges bled across the sky as the sun slowly sunk below the Earth. A soft breeze rustled the tall grass near the Windclan border as well as through the two cat’s pelts. Sunshine slid forward silently, leading her apprentice back to camp.

Moorpaw paused, mouth open to taste the air, “Do you smell that?”

Sunshine stopped to check, tail whishing lazily through the grass. Her eyes widened as she recognized the scent.

Windclan. Not just Windclan. 

Ashlegs.

“It’s a Windclan warrior. I don’t know what he’s doing so close to the border...” 

Moorpaw could sense her distress.

“Do you know him?”

“He’s my sister’s mate.”

“Oh.” 

Moorpaw shuffled her paws awkwardly. Although she had been a kit when it happened, no cat in the clan could forget Hayfeather’s explosive exit. 

Sunshine turned her head to the setting sun, remembering the shrieks and yowls from many moons ago. Hayfeather had stood right at the camp entrance, ears pushed back against her head and fur fluffed. She glared at her sister as she yelled at her from the middle of camp. Sunshine remembered how Hayfeather had been angry she was making a scene.

“How could you leave your clan? We’re supposed to be family!” Anger had pulsed through Sunshine’s veins.

“I don’t belong here Sunshine. You can come with me, make a better life.”

Silence sat heavily in the camp for a few very long heartbeats. The whole camp seemed to hold its breath.

“No!” The skinny she-cat’s yowl echoed with anger. “Riverclan is my home! You only want to leave to be with Ashlegs anyway.” Sunshine snarled.

The smaller she-cat recoiled in anger, her hacker raising, “How dare you say something like that to me. My own sister.” She spat the last word like a rotten piece of prey. 

Sunshine’s hot anger turned cool as she spoke with icy words, “You don’t care about family. If you did you wouldn’t be leaving three days after Petalfur died.” 

Hayfeather stiffened and silence sat between them once more. Then she turned slowly and slipped away out of camp without another word.

==

“Sunshine.” 

A tom’s low growly voice pulled the she-cat back to the present. She jumped at the sight of him.

“What are you doing at the border, Ashlegs?” There was no warmth in her voice. 

Moorpaw had to gaze up at the lanky grey speckled tom, who was significantly taller than an already tall Sunshine. His eyes looked like slivers of blue ice, narrowed cooly at the two she-cats. 

“Calm down Sunshine, I’m not here to fight you today-“

“Today,” she growled.

“Sunshine,” Ashleg’s tone surprised the brown tabby, he sounded tired and old, “Can we not do this today, I have some news.”

“Couldn’t it wait til the gathering or something?” Sunshine still was irritable but less angry than before.

“It’s about Hayfeather.”

Sunshine stood stock still. For a few moments, none of the three cats spoke. Moorpaw had stared at the two warriors not quite knowing how to react. 

“Moorpaw go back to camp.” 

“What, why?” 

“You don’t need to hear this, just go. I’ll catch up.” The she-cat didn’t look at her apprentice, just stared at Ashlegs with fear in her eyes. 

Moorpaw slowly turned away, glancing back worriedly one more time before she hurried away.

“It’s probably a good thing you sent her away,” Ashlegs murmured, glancing down at the earth. 

“What happened?” Dread edged Sunshine’s mew.

Ashlegs sighed, grief etched in his features.

“She’s dead Sunshine.” 

The tabby she-cat felt as if she had been roughly tossed into icy waters, the air rushing from her lungs and a chill running down her spine. Her heart dropped. She felt her throat start to close.

“What? How?!”

Her words were frantic and angry, as if accusing Ashlegs of murdering his own mate.

“She was trying to catch a pheasant. It... caught her instead.”

“Huh.”

His words barely registered in Sunshine’s mind, the sheer irony of her sister’s completely abrupt death not lost on her. A thousand contradictory emotions flooded over her. But the one that stuck out most filled her with almost as potent guilt.

Relief. 

Sunshine knew she shouldn’t be glad that her sister was dead, she knew that was wrong, but the feeling persisted. 

Ashlegs was saying more, but the tabby she-cat wasn’t taking in any of his words. His voice sounded muffled, like they were under water. This was all too overwhelming for her. Would her sister’s death mean she would be free of the stress Hayfeather brought her, or would she haunt her dreams for real now? Sunshine wished desperately it wasn’t the latter. Her paws trembled and her head felt full of cotton. 

“Sunshine. Are you listening to me?” 

Ashleg’s words pulled Sunshine from the icy lake her mind had fell in and she jerked her head up from the ground where she had been blankly staring. 

“Sorry, this is just a lot to take in.”

Ashleg’s eyes softened minutely, he knew Sunshine’s tendency to spiral out of control fairly well.

“I was just asking you how you’ll do.”

The tabby she-cat shuffled her paws anxiously. She wasn’t sure she could tell him what she truly felt about his mates death. She settled for something in the middle.

“I’ll be fine. It’s not like she was a part of my life anymore anyway.” Bitterness slipped into her mew.

Ashlegs whipped his tail in anger, “don’t be petty, she was your sister!” 

“Not technically! She’s only my half cousin.”

“You were raised as sisters, act like it!”

“She never did!”

Oh no.

And that was it. She said it. No cat outside of her clan knew what she had been through, and not even all of them at that. Ashlegs looked astonished. Sunshine backed up, fur rising on her hackles.

“What do you mean?” If it were possible for Ashlegs’ words to get icier, they would in that moment.

“She manipulated me. She manipulated all of us to make it seem like what she was doing to me was normal. But it wasn’t. She would constantly belittle me, tell me I was making problems when I wasn’t, I had to watch everything I said because if I said the wrong thing she would fight with me! I’m sorry this came out so soon after she died but I can’t pretend that I’m going to miss her.”

Ashlegs bristled, anger rippling through his pelt, “How am I supposed to believe that my mate was a horrible cat? You’re just being hysterical, you traitor.”

“I’ve betrayed a lot of cats Ashlegs, but Hayfeather isn’t one of them.” Sunshine spoke over her shoulder as she turned in the other direction. If he said anything else, the small tabby she-cat didn’t hear it. 

He was right about her being a traitor. Sunshine felt her heart twist in guilt as she thought of the pure horror and betrayal in Littlefern’s eyes when she had confronted the older she-cat about her lies. Would she ever be able to be a better cat? Sunshine didn’t expect Littlefern to forgive her, but she didn’t want to be stuck in this rut of malintent forever. 

A buried memory of that fateful day popped back into Sunshine’s mind. A memory that had been festering in the back of her head, taunting her. 

As she walked away from the border, the moor-like land blurred into the quiet rhododendron bush on the far end of Riverclan territory where she had broken down at last, away from the clan’s prying eyes.

Shrieks and screams ripped from her shuddering body, only the thick furred tail gently stroking her keeping Sunshine somewhat grounded on Earth. Groveheart had wound herself tightly against the sobbing tabby, her eyes swimming with saddened concern. 

Sunshine had messed up, and messed up bad. Guilt crawled it’s way down her throat and settled in her stomach like a heavy boulder, the weight of what she’d done seemingly pulling her all the way down to the Dark Forest where she’d fester and rot like she felt she should.

Suddenly a new and terrible thought crashed into her mind like an angry badger. 

I’m just like Hayfeather. 

Sunshine popped her eyes open, the guilt in her belly twisting and threatening to spill its contents.

“Groveheart, I’m just like Hayfeather.” 

“No you’re not,” the golden tabby mewed gently as she licked between her friend’s ears. 

Sunshine didn’t say anything else, just stared ahead blankly with furrowed brows.

She didn’t believe her.


	5. It Gets Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Havenpelt has a difficult time when kits are born in Riverclan.

“That is the absolute worst idea you’ve ever had, mom.” Sunshine deadpanned, though a hint of dread played in her features. 

Her mother purred, amused at her daughter’s hyperbole. “It wouldn’t hurt you to be civil with her, you will always be living in the same place, after all.”

Sunshine’s pelt rippled along her spine. She was unnerved. 

“Are you sure you want me for this patrol?” Her voice was small.

“As your deputy I hereby declare that you have to.” The black and white she-cat mewed sarcastically, “and as your mother I just want to see you get over this.” Her pale green eyes bored worriedly into Sunshine’s brown ones.

“..ok.” 

“Thank you, daughter. You’ll be just fine.” 

“Havenpelt, you gonna let us leave now or what?” A lanky brown tom barked at the camp entrance, twitching his whiskers amusedly.

“I just had to say goodbye to my daughter, Dew, she’s the only one I see now a days!” 

Sunshine felt a pang of guilt.

I’m the only one you have left. 

She hadn’t told her mother what she knew about Hayfeather. Her mother had lost a tom kit at birth, and Hayfeather had left Havenpelt with little communication.

The deputy had been very fragile on the topic of death after all her loss, and Sunshine wanted her to be ignorant for as long as possible.

The two she-cats mewed their goodbyes and Sunshine made her way over to the border patrol. Dew, who was leading the group of cats, bumped the glowering she-cat jokingly. She responded only with a withering look.

“Took you long enough, lets go!” The tall warrior hustled out of camp, summoning the patrol with a flick of his tail. The patrol was made up of Dew, Sunshine, Shimmerpelt: a black she-cat, 

And Littlefern. 

Sunshine could feel the fur on the back of her neck rise as she padded out of camp warily. Littlefern had still been mostly avoiding her, and when they talked, the dark brown she-cat had been painfully cordial. It all made Sunshine’s heart hurt.

She now walked a few tail lengths behind the others, scared to make Littlefern uncomfortable. The green eyed warrior turned to look at her however, slowing down to match Sunshine’s speed. 

She could feel her throat tightening. The air seemed to thicken with awkwardness. 

“Littlefern, I’m sorry.” The words tumbled from her mouth, quickly and bumbling. Even though she’d said them countless times, she still felt overwhelmed by guilt.

Littlefern flinched and sighed, “Sunshine, please stop bringing this up, we’ve discussed it and honestly I just want to move on.”

“I’m trying, it’s just- this is all I can think of to make things better.” Exhaustion sounded in the tabby she-cats mew.

The other she-cat sighed.

“I still want to be your friend, Sunshine, it’s just going to take time for us to get back to where we were before we were mates. What you did is hard for me to forgive.” 

“Yeah, I know, that’s fair.” 

The two walked in terse silence once more. 

Sunshine’s eyes glistened as she spoke softly, “I’m glad you haven’t given up on me.” 

A rusty purr rumbled in Littlefern’s throat. Sunshine knew she didn’t purr much anymore. 

“I don’t think I could if I wanted to.” 

Sunshine blinked in surprise, a purr starting deep in her throat and growing into a raucous mraow.

“What?” Littlefern mewed, amusement tinging her voice.

“We’re both pretty messed up, aren’t we?” Sunshine purred through her words.

Littlefern joined in with her, the first time in a moon or two. Sunshine felt her heart heal just a little bit as their happy trills echoed off of one another, burbling like a bright blue river. 

“Hey, fools, you want to be a part of this patrol?” Dew looked back at them with a bit of relief in his eyes. The two she-cats’ falling out had left the whole clan in a tense awkwardness. 

Sunshine marched up to the tall tom, Littlefern following behind. The tabby she-cat cuffed his ear playfully with her paw. Dew mraowed at her, “that looked like it took effort, pip squeak.” 

Shimmerpelt gave Sunshine a pleased look. 

“It’s good to have you back,” she mewed. 

Sunshine felt her now familiar twinge of guilt. 

I’m responsible for the things I did, even if I was angry.

“I never left,” she twitched her ears.

As they continued on their patrol though, Sunshine hoped the peaceful feeling would stay. 

==

The moon shone pure white on the Gathering. Cats from all five Clans met up with each other, forming their groups of friends. 

Sunshine could feel jolts of excitement and anxiety run up her paws as she crossed the log to the island, Littlefern walking near her. Sunshine hadn’t gone to a Gathering with things feeling so normal in a long time. 

“Who are you gonna talk with?” Littlefern mewed, looking towards the pine forest.

“Well, I mean, you hopefully,” Sunshine mewed nervously. She had been excited to spend more time with her, outside of their flash encounters where things would go back to being comfortable again. 

They’d had a streak of amicability and Sunshine was starting to feel good. 

Littlefern turned to her and gave her an odd look.

“I meant from the other Clans, silly.”

“Oh, then probably all of the Suns,” Sunshine mraowed, her cheery tone falling a little hollow. 

She’s still mad at me.

Littlefern chirped softly at that, “I still can’t believe there are four cats with Sun in their name.” 

“Well it is a popular name.” 

“Yeah. Well, talk to you later then.”

“Y-yeah, sure.” 

Littlefern disappeared into the sea of Shadowclan cats, settling next to Twistedvine and Lilypool. 

A pang of longing and jealousy stabbed at Sunshine’s heart. Long before the mess she had made, all four cats were a close knit group of friends, but now she didn’t think she belonged with them. She watched as the three cats talked happily, though their words were drowned out by the same drowning sensation from when she’d learned of her sister’s death. Her legs felt numb and tingly. 

“Hey, Sunshine, are you going to sit here all night or are you gonna come see the Suns with me?”

Sunfeather’s voice pulled the tabby she-cat out of her reverie. 

“Oh yeah, I’m coming.” 

Sunshine pushed every stab of sadness away from the front of her mind, and instead tried to focus on not swaying on her paws as she turned to follow Sunfeather into the throng of cats. 

She was surprised to find that her mind seemed to be filled with static. 

Numb.

“Hey Sunfeather, Sunshine!” 

A brown and white tabby she-cat called to them, waving her tail to get their attention. 

“There you are Sunbeam,” Sunfeather mewed. 

“What’s popping?” Sunshine mewed, her voice slightly sluggish.

“Nobody understands your Twoleg words, Sunshine,” a bright orange tabby she-cat mewed amusedly. 

“She’s just asking how you are, Sunnypelt,” Sunfeather sounded exasperated, but humor laced his spiky tone. 

The jovial mood of the cats surrounding her seemed absurd when Sunshine knew everything was not ok, even in the slightest. She felt as if she were spiraling out of control. 

“Maybe I should have stayed in Twolegplace, then I’d have grown up with Luna and I wouldn’t have to decipher my words for any cat.”

Oh no.

Sunshine knew as soon as she said it that she shouldn’t have. All three cats stared speechless at her, eyes wide with shock.

“Sunshine, how could you say something like that?” Sunbeam’s brows were furrowed, her inability to understand how a cat would even think of being a kittypet evident in her incredulous look.

Sunfeather had worry dripping from his eyes, “Sunshine, are you ok?” 

Sunshine’s heart hammered in her chest. She couldn’t stop the hurt from Littlefern choosing to sit with Twistedvine and Lilypool and now she was saying things she shouldn’t out of misery.

Of course I’m not over it. My happiness at being around Littlefern was because I wanted things to go back to when we were mates. I’m still jealous. 

Will I ever get over it?

Maybe Luna was right.

Then Bramblestar started the Gathering.

Sunshine didn’t listen to anything the leaders said. She couldn’t listen. Her thoughts were scattered like ants in a hill, and the feeling of Sunfeather staring at her made her throat tighten.

A blood curdling yowl was the only thing that brought her back to the earth. 

“My kit! Starclan no, what happened to my kit?” Havenpelt’s frantic sobs startled every cat in the clearing. Her pelt was bushed and her eyes wide and glazed over in pain and fear. 

“I’m sorry Havenpelt-“ 

“What killed my daughter?”

Harestar started but Havenpelt cut him off, her mew ragged and demanding.

Pity filled the small tom’s eyes, “She was hunting, there was an accident. She was killed by a pheasant. There was nothing we could do.” His voice was quiet and somber.

Havenpelt shuddered in horror and stared wordlessly down at her paws, fur still ruffled in agony.

The Clans sat silent in grief and shock. No cat dared speak. Sunshine could feel her clanmates stiffen around her; Sunfeather gasped. A rock fell in Sunshine’s stomach, she’d forgotten that her sister’s death would be announced at the Gathering. The static filling her head seemed to crawl down into her throat. 

“Well, I believe that’s the end of this Gathering,” Reedstar flicked his tail anxiously, wanting to come down from his perch in the tree. 

“Agreed,” Bramblestar seemed on edge at Havenpelt’s outburst.

The Clan cats dispersed stiffly, filing out quickly to leave the awkward atmosphere.

Sunshine rushed to her mother, who was still staring blankly at the ground. She nudged her up to her paws gently with her nose.

“Come on mom, we have to go,” she spoke in a soft tone.

Her mother rose shakily, leaning on her as they walked slowly away. 

The two lagged behind the rest of Riverclan, Sunshine making sure Havenpelt didn’t trip. The tabby she-cat felt a pair of eyes on her, and looked up to see Littlefern’s green orbs boring into her. They stared unblinking for a few knowing heartbeats until Littlefern gave her a pitying look and reluctantly turned around. 

Sunshine felt her heart shatter once again. It was going to be difficult without her as an emotional crutch. 

A reedy voice startled her out of her thoughts.

“What are we going to do now, Sunny?”

Sunshine felt a familiar pang of guilt at her entertaining of what could have happened had she stayed in Twolegplace.

“She’ll visit you in her dreams, you know. She’s not gone forever. And I’ll never leave you, no matter what.”

Havenpelt licked her daughter in between her ears affectionately. She gazed at Sunshine with watery eyes.

“My wonderful daughter, I know you’ll always be here. Hayfeather will watch over you too.” 

Sunshine didn’t respond. She knew that Hayfeather was watching her. It felt like Hayfeather was always watching her after her death, haunting her dreams all the time from her perch in StarClan. 

She suddenly felt old. It seemed as if nothing was ever going to get better, not with Littlefern, not with Hayfeather, not with her own happiness in the Clans.

Maybe StarClan were punishing Sunshine after all.


	6. Remove the Wool Over Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Twistedvine is trans

“I can’t live in Riverclan with you, Sunshine.”

“What? But you’ve lived with us for a moon! Can’t you tell how perfect it is? How perfect it is that you’re here? All the cats I need are together now. The prophecy is complete.”

“Sunshine, I don’t belong here, I’m sorry but I just wasn’t made to be a warrior.”

“StarClan willed it so.”

The tabby she-cat stared worriedly at a taller and fluffier brown and white tabby she-cat. The new cat wore a blue collar.

She sighed.

“StarClan may be real, but fate isn’t. I’m not going to live here because some dead cats who used to be just like y’all said so.”

Sunshine dropped her gaze to her paws.

“You can come with me to Twolegplace. See Angel and Robin again. And live in a place where you wouldn’t be told what to do.”

A look of longing flashed quickly through Sunshine’s eyes but she shook her head at the thought.

“My duty is to my clan, Luna. I cannot live with a paw in each world.” 

She hung her head as she spoke, her eyes on the ground. 

Luna shook her head slightly.

“Don’t worry so much about what dead cats say. I won’t make you come with me, but you don’t have to stay here. Nothing is making you.”

Sunshine watched her cousin walk slowly away and the scenery fade.

==

“Sunshine.”

Sunshine blearily rose to her paws. She’d been doing a lot of sleeping lately. Not that it made her any less tired, in fact she always felt more desolate when she woke than before she slept. 

It was probably the dreams. The dreams of bad memories made her guilt stronger, and the good ones only made her feel worse about how everything had gone wrong. 

But now Reedstar was calling her. Havenpelt stood by, still looking disheveled and hollow-eyed, but trying her best to look strong. 

“What.” 

Reedstar’s tail twitched.

“Talk to me in my den.” 

Sunshine wordlessly followed the leader into his dimly lit den and sat, wrapping her thin tail around her paws. 

“Have Sunfeather take you and Havenpelt to gather herbs.”

“Wait, why would you know if we have enough herbs or not? And why can’t Sunfeather just ask me?” Sunshine asked, puzzled.

Reedstar glanced nervously outside of his den. He watched Havenpelt sit raggedly in the clearing of the camp, plucking absentmindedly at a patch of grass. Her back was hunched and her ears flopped forward. 

“Well, truth be told, your mother hasn’t left the camp in days. I think it would be good for her to get some fresh air with her family.” Reedstar’s whiskers twitched. “And I also heard Sunfeather complaining about his herbs.”

“Typical.” Sunshine got up to leave the den, but was stopped at the entrance.

“And Sunshine?”

“Yeah?”

“Havenpelt has always bounced back. She’s healed before and she can heal again. She just needs time and help from you.” 

Sunshine paused a moment longer at the den’s entrance, her ears drooping in exhaustion. 

“Yeah. Yeah. It’s just a lot.”

“StarClan will guide you.”

“They better.” Sunshine growled as she slipped through the entrance and out into the camp.

She stopped at the end of the medicine cat den and peeked her head inside.

“Hey Sunfeather, you complained so loud that Reedstar heard you, he asked us to take Havenpelt and gather herbs.”

“Oh good, I was about to just go myself. Wait, why Havenpelt?” The tortie tom’s voice grew louder as he walked up to the den entrance, inviting his cousin in with a flick of his tail.

Seeing Sunshine’s face, he sighed.

“She’s really that bad?”

“Yeah. Even Reedstar’s worried.”

“Sheesh. Well, I’m sure she’ll come around eventually.”

Sunshine scratched at the ground.

“Aren’t you worried though?” 

“Of course, but she’s always gotten better.”

“But she’s been through a lot. What if she doesn’t get better this time?” Worry edged Sunshine’s mew.

Sunfeather sat at the edge of the stream inside his den, the water gurgling softly. 

“Come sit next to me,” Sunfeather mewed, looking into the stream.

Sunshine sat, gazing into the gently moving water. Her reflection distorted in the flow of the stream. 

“When Havenpelt lost Hazekit, she was devastated. She could barely move, let alone care for Haykit. Do you know how she got better?”

Sunfeather looked into the stream as well, eyes soft and half lidded. He seemed calm. Sunshine didn’t understand how any cat could be calm at a time like this. Not when everything was collapsing in on her.

“No, I don’t remember, I was too small I think.”

Sunfeather looked up from the water and stared mildly at Sunshine. 

“It was you, Sunshine.”

Sunshine could tell this was supposed to comfort her, but it only made her stomach sink.

I’m not this important. Why does every cat want me to be important?

“Really?” Sunshine mewed dully.

“Yes, you were brought here a half moon after his death, and she became alive again. Another chance at being a mother to two. It was a sign from StarClan. You even had Clan blood from Mallownose from when he went to live in Twolegplace,” Sunfeather spoke with conviction and a gleam in his eyes.

“You did it before, and I feel that you can do it again.”

Sunshine felt like the weight of the whole of Riverclan was on her shoulders. Her ears drooped in defeat.

“I don’t think I can do much of anything right again.” 

Sunfeather touched his tail tip to Sunshine’s back. 

“A prophecy has never gone unsolved, Sunshine. StarClan chose you for a reason, and we will see to completing it.”

“Does everything I do have to do with the prophecy? I’m sick of this,” Sunshine narrowed her eyes and grumbled her words. 

“No. Like right now, we’re going to gather herbs for the Clan, not for you.” 

Sunfeather disappeared out the den, leaving a still disgruntled Sunshine to mull over the fact that she would still have to do all of this on her own. 

Stupid prophecy. 

==

The three cats passed through Riverclan territory, searching for cat mint. Sunfeather had shouldered his way to the front, leaving Havenpelt and her daughter trailing behind. 

Havenpelt was putting up a strong front, but Sunshine could see through it as she dragged her paws just a little when she walked.

“Are you... doing ok, mom?” Sunshine mewed apprehensively.

Havenpelt lashed her tail, eyes flashing in irritation, “I should have known there was a reason you brought me out here.”

“Hey, don’t blame me, it was Reedstar’s idea!” Sunshine barked, pelt bristling slightly in shame. 

Havenpelt sighed. 

“I wish I could have got to tell her goodbye. I’ve seen no trace of her in my dreams and it is so upsetting. This is the second time she left without letting me know.” Havenpelt’s voice was laced with pain and betrayal. She cast her eyes to the ground as the group kept walking. 

Sunshine watched her paws walking intently as she spoke, “She will see you one day. I believe that she still cares for you.” 

Sunshine found she was telling the truth. Hayfeather was a manipulative cat, but Havenpelt was her mother. 

“I certainly hope so.”

Sunshine hesitated before speaking, “Really though, are you going to be ok?”

Havenpelt looked her daughter in the eyes. They were worn down and watery, but were also steely and determined. 

“Of course. I just need time. I will survive for myself, my clan, and for you, Sunshine. I wouldn’t leave you here.”

Sunshine wordlessly stroked her tail down Havenpelt’s back. She knew she was supposed to say something but she just couldn’t in that moment. 

She could never find the right words.

Sunfeather stopped abruptly at the border, sitting right before the dense pine trees on Shadowclan’s border.

“What are you doing, Sunfeather, just go in. You’re a medicine cat, they won’t stop you.” Sunshine mewed impatiently, flicking her tail. 

Sunfeather gave her a look over his shoulders, “Yes, just walk into a prideful clans’ camp with a Riverclan warrior and the deputy, that sounds like a great idea. No, I’d rather wait for a Shadowclan cat to come find us than to start a fight today.”

The tabby she-cat grunted, earning an amused purr from Havenpelt.

“I’m sure some cat will get here soon.” Havenpelt mewed. She joined Sunfeather, sitting down on the border and gazing into the trees.

“Not you too,” Sunshine grumbled, although she sat as well. As she gazed into the dense, green darkness in front of her, Sunshine’s mind wandered. She wondered if she would be able to talk with Lilypool and Twistedvine. The tabby tom had been through losing a mate, and she’d been friends with the pair of them since she was 6 moons old. 

He promised me that he’d help me with this.

They waited for a little while longer until the Shadowclan deputy slid through the foliage looking perturbed. 

“What are you doing here, waiting at the border?” Her mew was cold and anxious.

“There’s no herbs on our territory, Cloverfoot. We’ve come to ask Puddleshine for some of his,” Sunfeather blinked slowly, not intimidated by the deputy’s spiky demeanor. 

Cloverfoot narrowed her eyes. “Why bring a warrior and your deputy then?”

“He’s telling the truth, Cloverfoot. Do you really think we want anymore tragedy right now?” Havenpelt stood and stared the other deputy in the eyes.

Cloverfoot’s eyes widened as she realized the implication.

“N-not at all! T-that’s not what I meant, you must understand I’m only trying to protect my clan.” Cloverfoot had begun cowering as she spoke, folding into herself.

Havenpelt’s eyes softened. “Of course. Take us to the camp, please, Cloverfoot.”

The grey tabby recomposed herself and turned away into the trees, beckoning them with a curt flick of her tail. 

Sunshine watched her cousin’s patched tail disappear into the foliage after her, followed shortly by Havenpelt’s stubby black tail. 

Sunshine crossed the border tentatively. She had never been on Shadowclan territory before, only having seen her friends from the clan at Gatherings. As she stepped into the dense forest, she immediately felt trapped. The leaves and roots of the trees seemed to reach out and grab at her, the thick pine smell wrapping itself tightly around her wind pipe and shortening her breath. 

She had no idea how any cat was supposed to live in a place were there was no easy escape. She always had to have the option to escape.

She walked a little bit closer to Havenpelt. 

“We’re here,” Cloverfoot mewed flatly as she disappeared again into what must have been the Shadowclan camp entrance. 

Sunshine squeezed through the brambles.

“Make it quick.” And with that, Cloverfoot departed, off to tell Tigerstar of the Riverclan warriors’ arrival. 

“You two can wait out here. If you talk to cats, you’ll seem less threatening,” Sunfeather narrowed his eyes at Cloverfoot, who was whispering with the Shadowclan leader. 

“I’ll go talk with Snowbird if you don’t mind, Sunshine,” Havenpelt mewed. 

“Of course,” The tabby’s mother slipped away to talk with the white furred elder. 

Sunshine scanned the camp for any sight of her two friends. Her eyes landed on Twistedvine, as he emerged from the warriors den.

“Sunshine! What are you doing here?” He called out to her.

“Sunfeather needed herbs and he took me along.”

Twistedvine twitched his whiskers.

“How have you been doing? Littlefern tells me you’ve gotten friendlier, are you ok now?”

Sunshine flinched. She immediately felt that ever present guilt crawl back up her throat. Anger flashed quickly through her, but she pushed it to the back of her mind.

No no, I forgave him for that. He hasn’t done anything wrong. 

“I... suppose, but it’s still pretty rough. I don’t suppose you would want to talk with me about it?” Sunshine had to pull the words from her throat, the question stopping and starting in a jumble of sounds.

“Sure! Let’s find somewhere to talk.”

As the tom walked to a quiet part of camp, Sunshine felt a calmness she hadn’t in moons. She had leaned heavily on Rippleheart and Groveheart when it had first happened, but Sunshine knew she had tired them out about it, and felt guilty bringing them down anymore. 

It made her feel a little less guilty to talk to Twistedvine about it. 

The big yellow tom settled, wrapping his fluffy tail around his paws as he sat away from the prying eyes of the warriors. 

Sunshine felt the bile rise in her throat as she tried to gather her thoughts. She was so bad with her words lately, she didn’t want to make things worse with what she said. 

“It just feels like we’ll never be back to how it was. I think I ruined everything.” Sunshine’s paws trembled as they always did when she talked about what she did. 

“Hmm,” Twistedvine hummed, seeming far away in thought. Sunshine hoped he was thinking of something to say to her. 

“Twistedvine, there you are. Want to join us on a border patrol?” A small brown she-cat Sunshine was unfamiliar with trotted up to the two of them, questioning in her eyes. 

The yellow tabby tom jumped up immediately. Sunshine popped up confused, ears flattening against her head. 

“Sure thing!” He mewed, starting to lumber away. 

“Really?” Sunshine blurted, irritation sparking her pelt. 

Twistedvine turned his head slightly and looked at her. He didn’t speak, just grimaced and shrugged his shoulders before following the other Shadowclan warrior through the camp entrance. 

Sunshine stood rooted to the spot. She felt her fur rise slightly on her back. The brown she-cat knew Twistedvine to be flaky, but she never thought he would just flat out refuse her like that.

Maybe I’m demanding too much of him. 

But every memory of Sunshine listening to hours and hours of his troubles flashed angrily through her mind. Her and Lilypool would give him support and advice whenever he asked. The pale ginger tabby she-cat was always around him, giving up her precious time alone that Sunshine knew she needed to keep Twistedvine as happy as he could be. She thought of how tired Lilypool looked these days. Sunshine wondered if this was how he treated Lilypool all the time. She felt sick.

Then Sunshine wondered if she had treated Littlefern like this. She felt worse. She hadn’t realized how much she was like Twistedvine, who she was discovering wasn’t as much of a friend to her as she thought. 

I’m just moral support. 

Her throat clogged as the guilt welled it’s way back up once again. She made a promise to herself. 

I won’t be like Twistedvine at all. No more relying on other cats and telling them my problems. I’m not hurting cats anymore. I won’t hurt Littlefern ever again. I can’t.

“Let’s go,” Sunfeather’s blunt words cut through the brown tabby’s thoughts. 

“Ok.”

Sunshine felt an angry bitterness as she walked out of the camp, pelt brushing her mother’s, who had joined the Riverclan cats on their way out. 

She still couldn’t see how things were going to get any better.


	7. Cracks Appear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Sunshine isn’t very good at most clan life things, like hunting or remembering the code, but she is a natural fighter.

“Why haven’t you visited mom?” Sunshine hissed, standing in a Starclan clearing that somehow managed to be intimidating. The dark grey sky loomed over her, great crackles of lightning spitting overhead. 

Any other cat would have thought it was the Dark Forest, but Sunshine knew Hayfeather had gone to Starclan when she died.

The shorter tabby she-cat flicked her tail irritably. Something like guilt played along her features. She didn’t have anything to say for once. 

“She’s crushed. You have to know that! She already lost you, to lose you a second time is killing her! She feels guilty about not getting to say goodbye, don’t you feel something?”

Hayfeather bristled, then seemed to think of something. She smoothed her fur back down and spoke with a hidden mirth.

“Fine. Havenpelt only has you now, her fate rests in your paws.”

Sunshine felt like she was seconds away from jumping on her sister and ripping her fur off, but only shuddered out of anger, rooted to the spot. 

“Just. Do it. Please.” 

The sparkle of Hayfeather’s amber eyes was the last thing Sunshine saw before her dream faded beneath her paws. 

But just before she woke, Sunshine couldn’t help but feel like Hayfeather was still controlling her from her spot up in the stars. 

==

“Sunshine!” 

The tall tabby she-cat rose from her spot in the medicine den confused. She was hearing her mother’s voice but she didn’t know why. 

“Sunshine! Sunshine, wake up!” 

Sunshine finally poked her head through the reeds marking the entrance to Sunfeather’s den. Her ears twitched at the surprisingly excited tone in her mother’s voice. 

Her dream came crashing back into her memory. 

She must have visited her. It’s good to know she has a conscience. 

Sunshine padded into the sunlight. 

“What is it?”

Havenpelt’s eyes glowed as she ran up to her daughter. She bumped her head into Sunshine’s side, burying her face into the tabby’s fur as she spoke.

“You were right, Hayfeather finally visited me last night. I finally got to say goodbye.”

“That’s... great,” Sunshine mewed, leaning into her mother’s embrace.

They stayed like that for a few heartbeats, before Havenpelt pulled away.

“Anyways, I have patrols to organize,” Havenpelt turned before mewing again over her shoulder, “and thank you by the way.”

“Thank me? For what?” Sunshine mewed, confused at what her mother was saying.

“Hayfeather told me.”

Sunshine’s ears flattened against her head, her paws starting to buzz at the early morning anxiety.

“What did she say?”

“She said you brought up how sad I was and she told me she thought it would be a good idea to visit me.”

“What? That’s not-“ Before Sunshine could get fully angry, Havenpelt interrupted her.

“I know you told her to visit me. I don’t know why she would lie about it though.”

Havenpelt’s eyes shone brightly with emotions, but she walked away stronger than she had in a while.

Sunshine’s fur was still ruffled from agitation when some cat poked her in the shoulder. The tabby she-cat turned sharply, annoyance flashing in her eyes, quickly fading into embarrassment. 

Curlfeather was now looking at her with narrow eyes, clearly unimpressed. 

“I think it would be best if your apprentice practiced her battle moves with her sister. Although I don’t need you if you’re going to act like that.” She had the right to be steely, but it still irked an already irritated Sunshine.

“No! Just-“ Sunshine sighed, “I’m sorry, I’ll go find Moorpaw.”

Curlfeather mewed softly as the tabby she-cat passed, “Thank you.”

Sunshine only snorted and walked up to the apprentices den.

The mossy log seemed quiet, as it was mid-afternoon and the apprentices were mostly on patrol. Sunshine adjusted her eyes to the darkness of the den as she poked her head in. 

“Moorpaw?” Sunshine mewed softly into the sleepy den.

A soft chirp sounded from the back of the log. The tabby mentor could see Bunnypaw raise her head up from where she had been dozing.

“She’s making dirt, I’m sure she’ll be back soon,” the small she-cat mewed.

“Thanks sis,” Sunshine pulled her head from the entrance to the den as Bunnypaw lowered her head down to rest once more. 

Sunshine thought it strange the normally excitable apprentice was so sleepy. 

Grainseed must have finally worn her out. Sunshine purred to herself at the thought.

Sure enough, the reddish brown apprentice was walking out of the dirt place tunnel as Sunshine walked toward it.

“Moorpaw, Curlfeather and Applepaw asked us to practice fighting moves with them. You up?”

Moorpaw’s amber eyes lit up at the prospect. 

“Yes!”

Sunshine turned towards the way out of camp, beckoning her apprentice with her tail. The small she-cat bounded after her, bobbed tail raised in excitement.

Curlfeather was waiting at the camp entrance with her dutiful apprentice. The small she-cat sat still with her tail wrapped neatly across her paws. 

As the group left camp, Curlfeather matched Sunshine’s pace behind the excited sisters. 

“How has your apprentice been? She seems eager to learn,” Curlfeather mewed smoothly. The light brown she-cat glances at Sunshine with her peripheral vision.

“She’s a great apprentice. Eager to learn, and smart. And she’s a great cat, any warrior would be glad to train her.” 

It was true. Sunshine was truly grateful to be a part of Moorpaw’s life.

Curlfeather blinked slowly. 

“I’m glad you’re still here. This apprentice needs to be a warrior Sunshine.” Curlfeather held her stare into Sunshine’s eyes. The brown tabby she-cat could not, however, eyes darting anxiously across the grass as they walked.

“What are you implying,” Sunshine was starting to get irritated.

“You must stay in Riverclan, Sunshine. It is your destiny to keep our clan safe. Starclan gave you to us as a gift.” 

Curlfeather had the same shining, expectant eyes as Sunfeather had. 

Sunshine could feel the bile pressing up her throat as she spoke, “I’m not leaving. I’m here for Moorpaw.”

Curlfeather looked surprised at Sunshine’s answer, “Do you really not have any reason to stay in Riverclan, Sunshine? This is your home, this is where you were raised. You were fated to be a warrior.”

Sunshine felt her paws shake. This was all too much. 

“This is my home, Curlfeather,” The words tasted like sand in her mouth.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the sandy pit used for fighting practice.

== 

Sunshine curled her tail over her paws. The two apprentices tussled in front of her, Applepaw pinning her sister to the ground. Moorpaw struggled to worm her way out from underneath the tortoiseshell apprentice, but her sister’s grip was too strong.

“Don’t forget about your back paws!” Sunshine barked.

Moorpaw suddenly stopped wriggling, instead kicking up and pushing Applepaw back with her hind legs. She scrambled out of the way as Applepaw gathered herself.

“Good job,” Sunshine’s voice came out flat, although Moorpaw didn’t seem to notice as her fur fluffed out in pride.

Sunshine could feel Curlfeather’s gaze burning into her pelt but she refused to acknowledge her and stared ahead. Something about the way Curlfeather had looked at her before, like she was going to pull something amazing out of her fur made the tall tabby shut down. 

She stayed mostly silent and unmoving for the rest of the practice, letting Curlfeather control it and only speaking in short phrases. Sunshine knew what was coming after the practice ended.

As Moorpaw bounded ahead with Applepaw, Curlfeather loomed over Sunshine.

“I can tell something is bothering you. You were very curt with your apprentice, Sunshine,” the light brown she-cat padded lightly alongside Sunshine as the taller tabby continued to avoid eye contact.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Sunshine’s voiced clipped irritatedly. She was starting to get overwhelmed by everything and she was feeling trapped.

“Sunshine-“ Curlfeather started, but the tall tabby she-cat had already shouldered her way in front of her.

Sunshine could hear the other she-cat call out her name again, a little angrier this time, but the static feeling in her head kept her moving forward, anger buzzing in her paws. She could feel that anger start to blur her vision, and stuff her ears.

She could hear the two apprentices calling out to her, but she ignored their muffled cries as she stomped her way back to the Riverclan camp. She didn’t know what it was about what Curlfeather had said that made her so angry, but the look of expectation in her eyes made her very upset.

Sounds of rushing water blocked her ears as she made it back to the camp, the buzzing in her paws reaching all the way up her legs now. She was completely overwhelmed and all she wanted was to collapse into her den and forget who she was supposed to be.

Sunshine stumbled across the clearing to the medicine cat den with blurring vision. She scowled quietly as she saw Sunfeather sorting herbs through the entrance of the den. He would definitely ask her as many prying questions as he needed to to get Sunshine to tell him what had happened. Sunshine didn’t want to deal with this. 

Sunfeather turned at the sound of her scowl, eyes open wide in surprise and then narrowed in irritation when he realized Sunshine was angry. 

“What’s going on Sunshine?” Sunfeather’s voice sounded worried and slightly irritated. His tail flicked once. 

“Everything is terrible, what’s new?” Sunshine’s anger was boiling over, her mew clipped and bitter. Nothing that had ever happened to her was fair, and she was tired of having to wait for the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Sunfeather growled. It seemed as if he had fed off of Sunshine’s meltdown of anger. 

“Do you have to make a tragedy out of everything, Sunshine?” 

Sunshine bristled. “No, I don’t have to, cause I’m not exaggerating! I didn’t have to live this life, Sunfeather! Don’t you think I’m trying my best not to mess things up?” 

“I know that! I just wish you wouldn’t complain about it so often! Do you think Firestar ever complained about being destined to lead the clans into prosperity?” 

The two cats were almost at each other’s throats, their arguing so loud that cats had started gathering around the medicine den, whispering to each other worriedly. 

“I’m not Firestar!” Sunshine yowled, her eyes screwed shut in rage, “I’m not meant for this!” 

Sunshine suddenly shoved Sunfeather back with her two front paws. The tom, wholly unprepared for it, fell onto the stony earth of the den, his previously organized piles of herbs scattered around him. A moment of stunned silence seemed to stretch between them for years. 

Sunfeather looked up at his cousin with wildly angry eyes. Sunshine knew she should apologize, but all she could do was stand in horrid, shocked silence, ears flattened against her head and eyes open wide in remorse. 

“Don’t come in here anymore,” Sunfeather growled through gritted teeth. Sunshine felt completely rooted to the ground, but as Sunfeather rose to his feet, she swung around and quickly burst through the entrance to the den into the throng of cats that had gathered in the clearing in front of the argument. 

She could hear the questions thrown at her, but Sunshine weaseled her way out of the crowd, heading for the way out of camp and into the territory. 

Her head spun as the world around her first turned black and white and then completely black. She was still half conscious as she fell roughly to the ground.


	8. A Moment of Relative Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Sunfeather’s mate’s name is Trent and he lives in Twolegplace. He was originally supposed to be in the story but I couldn’t fit him in. 
> 
> Next chapter is one I’ve been looking forward to writing since the beginning, whack to finally be here. Also it’s been like a year that I’ve been writing this?? Yikes lol

Sunshine was stuck in a fever dream. Half asleep and awake, images of past mistakes and hardships flashed incessantly in front of her closed eyes. She tried to wake fully, but every time she did, she would slip back into the anxious semi conscious flashings that moved too fast for her to comprehend. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was squirming fitfully in her fight to wake, as if she were paddling desperately in water to try not to drown. 

A paw poked Sunshine roughly in the side, causing her to jerk up out of her fit. She blinked in the dark to see Rippleheart’s striped form shadowed by the dark den around her. She gave Sunshine a pitying look before stroking her back briefly with her tail and turning to walk out the entrance. 

Sunshine waited for her breath to slow before she walked into the camp as well, bright sunlight causing her to squint. Camp was unusually calm, only a few cats milling around as leafbare’s first chills had started to become uncomfortable to hang around in. Reedstar and Havenpelt sat outside the leader’s den, whispering about something. Sunshine bristled as she saw her mother glance quickly in her direction before looking back at Reedstar, brow furrowed. 

It had been a quarter moon since Sunshine’s collapse, and every cat had been extra careful around her, especially Havenpelt. All Sunshine could feel was a somehow darker and heavier guilt that seemed to fill her entire being. It wasn’t fair to her mother to have to worry about all her kits like that. 

After the mob of cats listening in on the cousins’ argument had dragged her exhausted body into Sunfeather’s den in a frenzied flurry, he had seemed to mostly forget about what had happened that day. Sunshine knew it didn’t work out that easy though. She refused to sleep in his den after the few days she had spent there for her recovery, even when he tried to tell her it was okay because she could see the strained and cold look in his eyes that was impossible to hide. Sunfeather didn’t try to talk to her like he used to, and Sunshine knew with a heavy heart that they would not be close for a long while, possibly ever. 

The clan was desperately trying to keep Sunshine from feeling overwhelmed by her responsibilities. Cats had been bringing her food, treating her like a kit when they talked to her. Pity was flooding from their very beings, choking Sunshine under the attention. It was nice that cats had stopped nagging her with the prophecy, but she knew they only did it to keep her around so that she could prove Starclan was right about her. 

Sunshine let a cold breeze buffet her thick fur. She felt a little bit calm on this day, though she knew that was usually a calm before the storm. The more she thought about it the more she knew that this “calm” was actually just a loss of any sort of feeling. Looking down at her tail curled around her small paws, Sunshine couldn’t feel the fire that she had before, just the guilt and leftover sagging fatigue from her fall. It would probably be back though. 

She had been in Sunfeather’s den for stress and dehydration, and though she didn’t remember she had been asleep for two days straight. She had feverishly woken a few times for Sunfeather to feed her some medicine, but she didn’t remember that much either. Sunshine did have one memory from her recovery though. It was probably what had kept her from being completely angry after waking up completely. 

Somewhere near the very end of her slumber, Littlefern had visited her. Sunshine had woken at the surprising sound of her voice, but she chose to keep her eyes shut and listen to what she would have said if she really was asleep. 

She had not expected Littlefern to visit her at all, especially after that fiasco. Sunshine thought maybe Reedstar or Havenpelt had made her. 

Her words had been a complete shock, however. They had not.

“Sunshine,” the concern and guilt in Littlefern’s voice had almost given Sunshine away. She had never heard the small she-cat talk like that, “What happened? I know you went through other things, but I can’t help but feel that I contributed to this.”

Littlefern let out a shuddering breath. 

“Listen, I still can’t forgive you, but I never wanted you to get hurt like this. I need you to get better. Please,” Littlefern brushed her tail ever so slightly against Sunshine’s face. It was gone almost as fast as it was there, but it still put a lump in the tall tabby’s throat. So much had gone wrong so quickly, and it was hitting her all at once. It was too much to bear. 

The last thing she remembered was falling back into a feverish sleep as she heard Littlefern’s soft steps out of the den.

As the memory melted away, Sunshine could feel that small glimmer of hope in the pit of her stomach. This was the one that said maybe things would go back to normal. But she eventually slipped back into a numb nothingness.

==

“Sunshine!” Moorpaw bounded up to her mentor, bumping her in the side with her head in excitement.

“Are we going to train today?” The apprentice looked up with expectant yellow eyes at her mentor.

Sunshine gazed back at her with tired eyes. Moorpaw had been a bundle of nerves while her mentor had been recovering. On the few days that Sunshine had been resting, she could see the red brown she-cat staring wide eyed and with fluffed up fur standing outside the warriors den wanting desperately to help, but not sure how. Sunshine could hear her worried whispers to whoever was standing outside the warriors den during the day.

The familiar guilt sagged in Sunshine’s stomach as she thought back to it. She didn’t like feeling like an important cat when she knew what she was like. Moorpaw’s look was full of excited expectancy. An idea rose from the fog clouding the mentor’s mind.

“Hey, yeah, come on, I wanna show you something,” Sunshine rose to her paws and headed in the direction of the camp entrance. 

Moorpaw’s voice drifted through the brambles as Sunshine pushed through them, “What is it?”

“You’ll see when we get there,” Sunshine mewed over her shoulder, letting her paws guide her on the familiar path she could follow with her eyes closed. Memories of hushed whispers and light paw steps flip through her mind with a small heart ache. Moorpaw trotted alongside her and Sunshine was glad for her ever positive energy.

The clearing-like land before the two cats gradually gave way to grassy fields. Short Moorpaw was struggling to keep her whole head above the tall grass blowing in the wind but she kept going regardless. Sunshine purred in amusement, the tall mentor had no problem seeing over the blades of grass.

Then the tree became visible on the horizon. The two passed the clan scent markers to get to where it stood. 

Sunshine stood for a long moment just looking at the cherry tree. The long branches waved softly, still so calm even now. It had always been so quiet out there. Time seemed to freeze. Petals slowly drifted to the earth as Sunshine came to sit under the tree. The she-cat stared out across the grassy land stretching in front of her as her apprentice came to sit down next to her. 

“What is this place?” Moorpaw was staring as well now, eyes wide at the unfamiliarity. 

Sunshine shifted her paws. 

“I used to have a mate. Did you know that?” 

Moorpaw looked up at her mentor surprised.

“No. I’ve never heard anything about that.” 

“Yeah. Well I can’t tell you her name, but I can tell you we met here.”

Moorpaw still stared, trying to take in all the information.

“You were mates with a she-cat?” The apprentices mew was surprised.

Sunshine purred softly. 

“That’s right.”

“You can do that?” Moorpaw asked loudly. 

“Yes, of course. And toms can be mates with toms. Sunfeather’s got a tom in Twolegplace,” Sunshine mewed. 

Moorpaw’s eyes seemed to be the size of the moon at Sunshine’s words. Her fur was fluffed up in surprise.

The younger she-cat calmed as a thought looked to have entered her mind.

“Why did you bring me here?”

Sunshine wrapped her tail across her paws. Her ears flattened against her head as she furrowed her brows before speaking.

“I just need you to know that I’m not a perfect cat. I’d rather you heard that from me before you figure it out yourself. I used to come out here with my past mate, because she didn’t want clan cats to know about us. But... I told cats anyway, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. She told me not to, but I did. I like to control everything that I can.”

Sunshine paused, looking down at her paws. 

“I should have felt more than I did when I did that. Sure I was guilty, but I pushed it back. It felt like I had to lie like that. I’m so impulsive.” 

A soft wind rustled through Moorpaw’s fur as she watched her mentor, quiet and wide eyed. 

“You trust cats so easy. I just - I need you to know that not everyone is good. I’m not as good as you think, just because I’m a prophecy cat and the daughter of the deputy. I’m deeply flawed. I don’t want you to be surprised when I do something impulsive. And I don’t want you to trust me completely. I know I’m your mentor, I just - I do bad things.” 

Moorpaw looked down at her paws. She seemed to be deep in thought, brow furrowed. 

“I don’t think you’re a bad cat. And I don’t believe that you’ll betray me. Just because you’ve done bad things in the past doesn’t mean you can’t change. Nothing you’ve ever done has made me think you would do something like that again. And you’ve taught me so much!”

Moorpaw stood as she spoke, short tail high up in the air. She seemed to be very sure of what she had said. 

“How could you be a bad cat if you’re such a good mentor. You’ve taught me so much. I believe that you are better than before.” 

Sunshine was silent. The wind blew through her fur as she turned to look at her apprentice in the eyes. 

She didn’t understand why Moorpaw looked up to her so much. Even if she told her every detail of what she had done, her apprentice could only see her now. Then it struck her. Her apprentice deserved to see her idol at her warrior ceremony. Her heart surged with a new found energy she had not felt in moons. Sunshine turned to Moorpaw with fire in her eyes.

“Thank you. I promise you I’ll do better. For you. You will be a great warrior, I will make sure of it.” 

Moorpaw bounced excitedly at Sunshine’s words. Her eyes shone in excitement. 

“I believe you. This is going to be great!” 

Moorpaw bounded back in the direction of camp as Sunshine stood. 

As her apprentice ran happily away, Sunshine couldn’t help but feel a little lighter. She still couldn’t understand why Moorpaw would be so loyal to her, but it was nice to have a cat forgive her for her big mistake even when she didn’t know her as the promising cat of the prophecy, but as the disgraced warrior who had to prove her worth. 

Sunshine followed Moorpaw on the path back to camp. She looked at her paws and let her mind wander. 

No matter how much the prophecy and the clan drama made Sunshine feel doomed, she knew she had to be Moorpaw’s mentor. She had to be there for Moorpaw, she owed her as much. 

The tall she-cat watched her apprentice’s red brown fur shine like fire in the sun as she ran. Her next thought came with a feeling of certainty.

She was going to stay in Riverclan. 

It was her duty and her destiny.

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline is Sunshine was born around the first AVOS book, but some of the details are changed ie Petalfur dying in a different way and Darktail is not Really a thing because I started developing the story when that book came out and I didn’t want to bend the story to fit canon lol. It’s not very grounded in canon at all really. 
> 
> Anyways this is my first time using AO3 so if anything is funky that’s why.
> 
> Updates will most likely be extremely spoiradic because I’m just writing this for fun on the side and I’m going to my first year of college in September.


End file.
